Even as I look at the date of my last entry and marvel at how a large quantity of time passing can seem like minutes, I know for certain, as I've mentioned before, that all of these moments have always coexisted, side by side, and every thought and subsequent action has brought these moments into fruition.
So, lovely readers, I imagine you are dying with excitement to know what things Anto has manifested into his reality since last fall? There has been a myriad of experiences from which I have learned so much about mySelf, about the way I Live, and Am, cycles that move at exponential speeds inside of Me (all of us, really) and their outward manifestation in our physical reality. Let me move backwards in time, as far as happenings and experiences go ...
1. The rediscovery of the Attitude of Gratitude
2. A new commitment to my Art, to mySelf
3. Quitting my job
4. Moving forward in my relationship with my boyfriend (moving past labels)
5. My dad passing away
6. Moving out of my studio apartment
7. The music of The Avett Brothers (who are a lot more Conscious than their fans give them credit for)
*Just had my mind blown* I'll explain -
The number 11:11 is a very significant number to me, and a lot of people who are in-tuned with consciousness and who feel that the Universe fuels all of the actions that take place here in our physical realm. Essentially this time prompt, this synchronicity, is a message or a divine sign from the Universe and our guides, letting us know that whatever path we may be on at the very moment we notice the number, is the right path. Read more.
As you can probably see it's pretty late night/early in the morning, but for some reason I had this urge to update this blog. The last time I updated was in November which was 11 months ago. Yeah, that's enough to blow my mind these days.
At the risk of throwing too many ingredients into a pie that I would really love for you guys to enjoy, I'll go ahead and say there you have it, for now. The seven things I mentioned above have played such significant roles in my life these past months that it is absolutely necessary I write about them, to come to catharsis, with hopes they shed light for others who may need it as much as I do. Consider this quick update as the appetizer pie -dessert has always been the best to save for last ... let's switch it up and serve it first before the main course. ;)
Sitting at the two-tier coffee table of my new studio apartment I decide to turn off all of the lights, light a candle, and write. The process by which I come to this decision is seemingly spontaneous, random, and I will admit that I stared at my desktop for a few minutes before finally deciding on what it was exactly I wished to write about, so here it is ...
I have made a significant change in my reality because of the thoughts that I have been thinking.
It seems that time has passed so quickly one would think that this moment I am experiencing right now and the moment I remember from the last time I posted an entry had always existed side by side, sitting right beside one another, like a stranger who sits beside you on a crowded bus. And from this position in these parallel realities it also seems like I made this giant leap from one moment to the other.
From an objective experience it is simple to explain -certain positions at my current job began to shift, openings became available, I became a manager, my wage increased, I found my own place and now here I am, contemplating the objective experience of yet another summer passing as I stare into the flame of the candle on this table.
Yet there is my subjective experience, this perspective that I feel exists above everything that happens and happened, that is essentially the stuff that these experiences are made of -consciousness manifest. I feel guided to say that this experience somehow escapes quantification. I know certainly time has passed since visualizing more income and a wonderful place to live, yet I feel as though I can't account for the speed with which these "things" came into being. Which brings me to my next point and a reiteration of my previous one:
Moments, those we deem possible and impossible, exist side by side, one in front of the other, stacked on top and buried below. We are our thoughts, and our thoughts guide us to become and partake in those moments we desire to manifest. Material objects, experiences, and situations aren't just attracted into our reality, they are created from the fertile grounds of Consciousness itself.
As always I remain grateful that I have been reintroduced to Consciousness, to Source, to MySelf. I'm also pretty grateful that I have been reintroduced to this little ol' Blog of mine. ;)
Alignment. Balance. Being centered. How in the world do we keep these aspects of our spirituality consistent on a daily basis when it seems that we lose our steam in the midst of everything that happens in our busy lives?
At this point in time these are the very questions that are weighing my thoughts. First and foremost, though, I return to gratitude --I am so grateful that I have these questions, that my reality is presenting me numerous amounts of opportunity to truly discern my wants and desires. Like I’ve mentioned in previous blogs the notion of Contrast is important, if not vital, for manifesting all of our intentions. Without the presence of all this questioning I would not come to the exploration of resolutions to remedy these momentary blocks. In my absence from this blog I have been pinching off Source (as Abraham would say), and it is indeed reflecting in my reality.
I’ve family members and friends who are in need of inspiration, sustenance, and spiritual motivation, the very things that I find myself needing this moment, and if it is true that we project that which we reflect, then this must mean that I must give these things to them (and to strangers for that matter!) and expect no reciprocation since the very act of giving to them means giving to myself.
(Just a quick side note: in the very moment that I wrote the previous paragraph I felt a giant wave of energy come over me and leave me as a sigh of relief. Source that felt good!)
Sometimes it’s easy to fall off course or stray away from a path that we have determined for ourselves, but even novelty and unfamiliar circumstances for which we have no frame of reference to deal with brings about challenges that stimulate our minds, both intellectually and spiritually. Though it shouldn’t be, it is difficult to find balance between the physical, material world in which we live and process our lives, and the spiritual, intangible realm that fuels our physical bodies. It is easy to identify solely with the former, but as Ranier Maria Rilke said, “We know little, but that we must hold to what is difficult is a certainty that will not forsake us … that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.”
Coming upon revelations that add to our spiritual growth should not be easy. To meet new faces and discover new places that challenge our beliefs expand our spirit and help us discover parts of the greater consciousness from which we all originated. When challenges arise that are seemingly difficult I have to remind myself (constantly) that the Universe is helping me and reintroducing me to Source. For the time being this is the only explanation that makes sense, for I’ve learned a long time ago that there is no Me inside this body that is happening independently from the Me outside of this body, if that makes any sense.
As I’ve stated before there is no clear cut path, and even the paths that we determine beforehand change constantly as we encounter new things. Every individual has a different path with (roughly) the same destination. In my absence I’ve managed to manifest many people who are willing to help me on my journey to Self-Realization(/Re-Introduction to Consciousness). I’ve learned some helpful techniques in moving and guiding energy using physical motions (eg. Tai Chi Chuan and Qi Gong), I’ve been meditating more frequently and I’ve been learning more about the main chakras in our bodies.
Usually on my routine walk to work I set a few intentions that involve either the shift ahead, projects that I wish to complete for the week, or interactions with people. Today, along with the usual list I added the desire to open and unclog my Third Eye chakra (located between and above the eyes, indigo-colored) in order to see things a little more clearly, physically and spiritually speaking. Essentially I was trying to manifest more spiritual guidance. I did this while waiting at a crosswalk, closing my eyes for a few a moments and immediately upon opening them a man with a very vibrant indigo bandana on his head walked past me. During my shift I had a great conversation with my physical-spiritual guide/friend/co-worker Antoinette, detailing the things I’ve mentioned in this blog. Soon after I saw a woman wearing an indigo/vibrant, sky-blue dress. I consider these events as clear reflections of my own contemplations and immediate manifestations to the intentions I had set.
So, after all of this, what exactly can we do when we feel ourselves becoming unaligned, imbalanced or un-centered?
-One of the most important things is that we recognize these feelings, understand their validity (and understand that we are indeed pinching off Source), but also remain in an attitude of gratitude, for the thoughts and questions that come with the experience are the very things that will bring us back into alignment with Source and the greater consciousness. -Talk to close friends (and even strangers!) -some of the most eye-opening epiphanies occur in the midst of conversation. -Meditate. -Write, paint, sing, scream, busy yourself with any activity that stimulates your entire being. -Most importantly say Thank You to your “problems,” be grateful for any and all of the difficulty you may experience, and remember that things are not happening to you, they are happening for you.
Lately I’ve experienced a surge of artistic inspiration that has lead to the completion of many painted canvasses, turning my room into a pseudo-gallery of sorts. While I’ve had moments of inspiration in the past, they were exactly that --moments, never lasting for more than a few hours, simple artistic endeavors that amounted to half-finished pieces strewn about the floor.
While gratitude certainly plays a huge role in all of this, it also goes beyond it, turning gratitude into a foundation on which all of this inspired creation rests. Being grateful is no longer an exercise --it has become a belief, a thought practiced over and over again as Abraham would say, and I can say with certainty that it has been ingrained into my being in a way that it has never been before.
But I digress.
During the past year, since my uncle passed away, I’ve had some very interesting out-of-body experiences, experiences that I’ve come to discover as astral projections. After having had these experiences I became deeply fascinated with the astral realm and, more importantly, the methodology for projecting one’s consciousness out of the physical body and into the astral realm. I started reading some of Erin Pavlina’s articles on the subject and I also purchased Robert Bruce’s Astral Dynamics, and both described my experiences to a T. I would like to now share a few of those experiences with you, and I promise once I do I’ll explain how it lead (or at least how I think it lead) to the recent burst of creativity I’ve experienced.
The First Time I Went Astral (And remembered it)
It had been a regular day. I woke up, had breakfast, did some journaling, and began getting ready for my shift at work. It went by rather quickly and I wasn’t too tired when I arrived home. As I mentioned before in a previous blog entry my sleeping pattern hasn’t been the most consistent within the span of the past year, so with that said I did all of my insomniatic activities such as checking my e-mail and other online messages, reading some blogs, reading some books, and watching T.V. Then, finally I headed to bed and fell asleep easier than usual.
Before I continue on with the actual experience of being outside of my physical body I feel I should preface it with the fact that I have, throughout my entire life, had experiences with sleep paralysis, something else that I have come to learn is quite intricately connected to astral projection. In my experience with sleep paralysis I wake up fully conscious yet unable to move any part of my body. But accompanying this is also a sense of fear, the root of which I have not yet been able to understand or identify until now. There have also been instances where I feel as though a presence of some sort is sitting on top of my body, or sitting nearby watching me. Eventually, and sometimes this will last for several minutes, I gather up enough will and energy to move a limb or to make a noise which usually breaks the paralysis and sends me back to sleep.
The feelings I begin to have at the onset of sleep paralysis is very distinct, and so during this particular experience I felt as though sleep paralysis was yet again looming over the horizon of my twin-sized bed. The next thing I knew I was awake, feeling as though I would soon slip into the usual sensation of not being able to move, but what happened instead was something I had never experienced prior to that very moment. I felt the strangest tingling in my toes, a very deep vibration that seemed to be coming out of the very molecules of my body, moving up through my legs and settling into the pit of my stomach. I can’t remember exactly if I fell asleep again or if at that very moment I made the exit out of my body. At any rate, the sensation of actually being outside of one’s body is a very surreal feeling. I was acutely aware of my body being in the position it was in in my bed, yet at the same time I was also aware that I wasn’t inside of it. As a matter of fact it felt as though I was floating right above it, and soon thereafter it felt as though I was rotating around near the edge of the bed looking up at the ceiling. The next thing I knew I was awake, back in my body, and it was morning.
The Second Time I Went Astral (And Attempted to … Do Stuff)
Again I found myself waking up in bed, experiencing the same sensations as I mentioned above --the vibrations in my toes, moving up my legs and settling into my stomach. After this happened I was actually able to will myself to get out of bed and move toward my window. I remember I had specifically told my brother that the next time I had an astral experience I would fly. So I when I got to my window I attempted to walk through it, however as I tried to move through the wall it felt as though the window screen was preventing me from going all the way through. When I realized that I also felt something tugging at my back. Then and there I decided that perhaps I wasn’t yet ready to start flying around San Diego, so I started walking back toward my bed. On my way back though I happened to look at myself in the mirror, something that I haven’t even been able to do in my dreams, lucid and not lucid. For the most part I looked like me except it seemed like there were ripples moving around my face. I turned and saw my body in bed and that’s the last thing I remember before waking up.
Energy Centers and My Chakras
Reading just a few chapters out of Astral Dynamics really inspired to me to energize my Self (and thus my energy body? Sorry, still wrapping my mind around some of this stuff and the techniques involved) in order to have controlled and conscious exit astral projections. I went to Erin Pavlina’s site, checked out her article on chakras and actually tried the exercise on “unclogging” one’s chakras, setting them into bright, spinning motion. I’ve also been doing a lot of meditation, focusing inward, guiding myself through relaxing images in my mind in attempts to ask my spirit guides for help. In turn I believe that all of these activities have somehow tapped into my creative energies, thus leading me to all of the pieces that I have been recently producing.
The Inner You and the Outer You.
As I’ve stated before in previous entries, that which you project you reflect, and this entire experience that I’ve been describing thus far is no exception. The focus I gave to the energy within me without a doubt tuned my thoughts to a very specific vibration, a vibration which allowed me to attract things into my physical reality that helped perpetuate the very things to which I was giving my attention. The Inner Me and the Outer Me, so to speak, were meeting on common spiritual ground, and I understood this was so because of how I felt during the process --inspired, excited, passionate, and most importantly grateful.
I’ve manifested many different outlets of opportunity to get my artwork out into the public. I had a seemingly serendipitous encounter with a lady on the street as I carried two of my canvasses home after work, which ended with her commissioning me to do two pieces for her and her boyfriend’s space in Downtown, San Diego. And just recently a friend of mine contacted me and asked if I’d like to have my work displayed at Dyke March’s art walk this summer.
A lot of religious people have conversations with God, whether in prayer at church or in prayer at the comfort of their own home. I liken this to the process of intention-manifestation, the way I have come to understand it anyway. You really have to be clear to the Universe, to your Self essentially, about what you want, know deep down inside that YOU are the Source from which everything else comes into fruition, and supplement that with positive energy and deep gratitude. Through the Law of Attraction circumstances and co-creators must come into your reality because of the vibration of your thoughts. The process of looking into my inner-being, especially during these past few months, has been a very mind-opening experience, in that I’ve been able to create, attract, and interact with the elements of my reality in a way that I’ve never been aware of before.
It’s been pretty freakin’ awesome if you ask me … Well? Go on, ask me in a comment! =)
I’m not at all perfect (yet … hehe …). With that said I’ll admittedly say that sometimes I find it such a chore, reminding myself where I come from and what I believe in, what I’ve chosen to practice, especially on days like this when something seemingly unexpected comes along and challenges everything I know and have come to know.
I’ve got to really try hard and remind myself that THIS (motions, with hands, signifying everything, all-encompassing) is indeed what I wanted, what I asked for. And that’s true, I know this, but I can’t seem to explain why it is I vibrate at such a low frequency sometimes. Eventually I remember, though. When I re-open myself to Source, when I re-open myself up to my Self, I remember with such a sweet simplicity that it seems almost absurd to have forgotten in the first place.
As I have come to understand it within the context of manifesting my intentions and utilizing the Law of Attraction, contrast is a good thing. It's good to know what you don't want, but definitely wiser to move past that knowledge once recognized and not dwell. Instead, give thanks to that contrast, to that vast infinity of differences in our shared reality, for it is only through contrast that we are truly able to identify that which we do want in our reality, thus making our desires that much more specific. It is indeed this specificity which makes it easier for the Universe to hear and deliver that which we request. We know that X is not what we want, and so, we focus on Y instead.
Naturally this recognition does not come without practice and refinement, without the occasional low-frequency day in which we find ourselves asking “Why do I seem to attract things into my reality that I do not want?” And though the answer is sometimes not readily available to us as we ask that question, I’ve found that it’s extremely important to always revert back to the analytical minds we were all blessed with.
-Take note of yourself and what you are feeling. -Recognize it. -Accept it. -Accept the catalyst that elicited your subsequent thoughts and emotions. -Most importantly give a big, fat THANK YOU to it, for it will inevitably lead you to thoughts of what it is you do want.
These thoughts will be good and they will feel good. These are our beautiful desires in the process of fruition. I like to think of the “Unwanted Thoughts” as seeds that are full of potential, potential that we have the ability to shape and direct. It’s only right to say thank you to the very thing that lead you to what you wanted.
I may be reaching some sort of redundancy with this, but when is gratitude, appreciation and love ever redundant? (Hint: Never!)
Worked with Antoinette tonight. Always profound experience working with her. Reason? Chosen to make every experience with her a profound one. Said Michael really valued and appreciated hanging out at hookah bar last week … really good change from his usual scene. Feel good about this, feel grateful to share experience in which someone feels and thinks on another level. Monetary help becomes redundant. Speaking of which -saw parents last night on way back from Hollywood with the boys. Felt good. Feel good that I felt good. Didn’t feel grief -maybe letting go is valuable (gasp!). Maybe letting go, being still, is truest form of mobility.
At aforementioned hookah bar now, reminding self that today I will practice non-judgment. Difficult. Spent majority of life making snap judgments about people, then writing about them. Difficult. Easy to recognize difficulty. Trying.
Two guys sit diagonally across from me. Make me think about this. Interaction with fairly attractive girl sitting next to them elicits thought(s). Side glances to one another in response to things fairly attractive girl is saying. Also a blog by a friend posted tonight. His interaction with a (drunk, drugged up?) girl and his subsequent analysis about said interaction. Assumptions, crude jokes. Judgment. Pretty wonderful reflection, though, to provide contrast for practice. What of it? Reflection. Is all.
Time. Takes much of it to unlearn things taught by parents. By schools. The media. But unraveling? Absolutely beautiful motions, revolutions, faces and places, send me spinning into next day. Don’t even notice. Best way to pass Time. All we have is It. Technically we created It. Time to ignore It. Time to let It go.
(seemingly)Tangential Sidenote: purchased iPod Touch while back. Best electronic investment in a while. Great for music production (Four Track, Voxie Recorder, etc). Downloaded Gratitude Journal application immediately after purchase. Today’s journal looks like:
Five Things You’re Grateful For
1. Antoinette’s friendship, guidance and wisdom. 2. Michael’s friendship and openness. 3. The music apps I downloaded today. 4. My charging dock received from UPS today. 5. Public transportation.
Seemingly simple, holds much value. Short lists drip with gratitude. Need napkin sometimes when re-read. Tuesday, beautiful, spilling over into am blues of midweek, ambient sounds of relaxation playing in background … from iPod Touch … from speakers of new charging dock.